I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
