Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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