I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
