Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
