Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
