you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
