I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
