Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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