I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
