i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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