Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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