smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
