new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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