WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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