he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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