I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
