On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
