Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
