He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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