i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
