Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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