doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
