why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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