I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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