Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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