OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there was a trapeze. enough said
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
