We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
