Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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