We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
