You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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