belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
