Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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