I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
