its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
ttyl tear gas
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
