Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
