i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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