i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
