i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Still dying that you shit outside
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
