Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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