I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
