I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
