So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
