he thought i was a dude.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
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Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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