Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
