he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
