just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Randomize
