Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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