Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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