I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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