I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
