dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
