it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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