So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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