so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My dick has a subreddit
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
