"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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