So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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