Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
