I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
