i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
