Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
