are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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