i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
