Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
