She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
