States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
