But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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