I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
