My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
