the day after is always just damage control
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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