and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My penis needs a shock collar
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
