Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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