pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
