She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
