cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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