If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
