I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
