Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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