if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
