I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
