I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
