I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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