Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
