Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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